Rickrolled
by Marisol Akyri
Summary: On planet Earth in the dimension Z121 a woman was in love with a brilliant inventor and scientist known as Rick Sanchez. And he loved her back. And then he had to go and get murdered. Add in a year of aimless wandering and this woman has now found a very much alive Rick. Only this time he's the Galactic Federation's most wanted terrorist and not exactly how she remembers him...
1. Chapter 1

Vera turned her back for five seconds.

It's not something anyone would ordinarily think about really. Opening a refrigerator door and crouching low to grab the half full carton of orange juice can pretty much be considered as basic as it gets. Not that many life changing decisions are expected to be suddenly slammed down onto the table just because you decided to walk over and get some juice to go with your flying saucer pancakes. Yet it was that very morning that the powers that be, the universe in all its cosmic fuckery and wonder decided to throw the speediest of inter-galactic curveballs.

Literally though, something very round and very dense beaned one Vera Floyd, a human from the planet Earth, dimension Z121, square in the back of her skull during the five seconds it took to turn around and grab the orange juice from the bottom shelf.

Her figure slumped down into the fridge immediately, the plastic shelves the only thing preventing Vera from face-planting directly into a plate of leftover chocolate cake. A flash of green light had preceded this moment, and if Vera had only entered the kitchen area of the warehouse she called home but seconds later she would have noticed. Would have noticed the flash of green light as two figures, one tall and one short pop out.

If Vera had decided to skip the OJ altogether and stay in the living area of the current hide-out, where the only other person in the whole warehouse was currently trying to catch a Kyogre on his 3DS, she would have been given a front row seat to a very much confusing, and very much painful death courtesy of a plasma shotgun.

And if Vera had decided to sleep in that day and not budge from the full-size cot located on the second floor loft she would have avoided being hurt altogether, and have gone unnoticed throughout the entire exchange. She would have woken up with a start right after the blast of the energy weapon fired, and hear the arguing that would have managed to echo up to the bed.

But alas, in dimension Z121 Vera decided to be proactive and get that orange juice, to go with their flying saucer pancakes.

And as such Vera found herself knocked unconscious in the refrigerator. Which as scenarios go isn't that bad. She survived this exchange. Sure she wouldn't wake up for another six hours, but at least she would wake up. Unfortunately, or fortunately it rather depended on how you looked at it, the same could not be said for her counterpart who in all these scenarios decided to wake up bright and early with the intention of "domesticating that sad excuse for a fish" once and for all. He had 99 ultra balls and was ready to go.

There was never a universe where Rick Sanchez ever managed to catch Kyogre. No, Rick Sanchez was destined to die no matter what happened this very early morning in dimension Z121 while in 90% of all scenarios Vera Floyd was expected to survive.

It was quick and it was messy. Six hours later when Vera finally came too the first thing she grabbed was the carton of now warm juice. Upon stumbling out of the kitchen area she would drop the warm juice, her jaw dropping down slowly as she glanced over what was once their living room. Now reduced to a blast zone courtesy of the two figures who came through the green portal. In this universe Vera never saw them. Never saw that the taller of the two had looked nearly identical to the man now lying dead smack dab in the middle of the wreckage.

Among the rubble of a collapsed couch and twisted metal coffee table produced a sight Vera would never cease to forget.

It wasn't everyday your fiancee was flattened to a bloody pulp, the morning you were going to have flying saucer pancakes. With orange juice.

On a cosmic standpoint having who, until that morning, was a very alive and loving man that Vera was getting ready to spend the rest of her life with, _die_ honestly doesn't mean much. In the greater scheme of things. You can argue that the death of Rick Sanchez from the planet Earth, dimension Z121, was actually the gateway for Vera. The greatest adventure she would ever hope to take part of would soon be underway because of what happened here this morning.

From a dimensional point of view this Rick Sanchez was only going to join a rapidly increasing list of Rick's who were being murdered in cold blood. Mystery murders that would soon be solved solely due to the actions of a Rick and Morty from the planet Earth, dimension C-137. In the simplest of words, the death of Z121 Rick meant nothing.

To Vera, waking up six hours later and seeing the corpse of Rick meant absolutely everything.

 **RVRVRVRVRV**

Vera couldn't help but fall to all fours upon seeing the bloody remains of Rick. She felt her stomach try and upheave itself, her harsh gasping of air the only noise permeating the silent warehouse. Her hands landed in the puddle of room-temperature juice, causing her palms to slide around as she tried to get ahold of herself.

The location of their home was secluded, up on a cliff's edge at the trailing ends of a large forest. It took a forty minute drive to get to the nearest town but it was what the two had called home. Privacy and tranquility was the order of their days. Vera loved being close to nature, the urban sprawl never really sitting well with her. She always assumed it was merely because hustle and bustle snapped on her nerves too easily. All those people walking around everywhere, everyone minding their own business and acting as if you were invisible in a sea of faces. She never met anyone similar to her in that respect, until she met Rick.

Her eyes snapped to the small door they installed near the front of the warehouse, to give it a more "homey" feel. They lived miles away from any other known settlement of anything human. _And the door was still locked._

When locking up for the night Rick always would set up a makeshift string lock. Vera always wanted to ask why Rick felt the need to set up such a contraption when they had a perfectly good deadbolt on the door. Now Vera knew why. Based on how the string had not yet been broken, the cans attached to it never rattling around, Vera could at this moment eliminate the only reasonable possibility that these murderers came in through the front door. At least she could thank Rick's paranoia for that.

However this only made the whole situation even more complicated. After darting her eyes from the undisturbed door Vera couldn't help but focus back on the horrific sight in front of her. It was as if her eyes were glued, she couldn't turn away. Looking past the corpse she could see Rick's 3DS, the screen black yet otherwise unharmed. The jolt of whatever hit him just caused the handheld to scatter away. The force of clattering on the ground must have shut it off. It was strange, she was gazing upon Rick's body and all she could focus on at that moment was to pick up his 3DS, and make sure it still worked.

With a final shuddering breath Vera clenched her fists over the wooden floorboards, her hands slick as she lifted herself up. Taking care to not even glance down at Rick as she walked around the mangled mess of furniture. She reached down to pick up the handheld game system after wiping her hands on her robe. Turning the switch from off to on gave Vera the smallest sense of relief as the screen lit up to the home menu. It still worked. She turned it back off and slipped it into the pocket of her robe.

Her gaze rested on one of the many tarps and sheets that covered the counters and cabinets across the room. Up against the wall for as long as they've lived there, that had always been considered "Rick's corner". There was a workbench and stool, a wall filled with numerous tools and pieces that Rick would always fiddle with for a majority of the time. It was where he made their little robot that served butter, and where he was working on his newest invention. A canvas that would reproduce whatever the painter was imagining. Something to help those who wanted to paint but couldn't. He started it only yesterday, after Vera had thrown for the umpeeth time another canvas at the wall in frustration.

That was the kind of guy her Rick was. If she ever had a problem with anything he would always try to swoop in and save the day, sparing her from any more frustration.

And now he was dead.

Vera grabbed a tarp that was hanging over a cabinet, the blue material stiff and plastic to her touch. All the better, for it wouldn't settle over his form as easily as a sheet would. Rick Sanchez to her was now a mystery under a blue, plastic square.

That job done she turned back to his corner, her eyes now settling on what she uncovered.

There were always a set of locked cabinets and shelving filled with boxes that also made this particular side of the warehouse their home. It was an unspoken agreement between them that their existence should never be called upon. Rick was a man of the world, that's how he described himself to her upon their fateful first meeting five years prior. She knew he was brilliant, as sharp as they come. He was a scientist and inventor who could make just about anything out of a heap of rusty scrap metal. But never in their five years together would Rick ever indulge her, give any insights into his past.

It was the allure of all those secrets, the chance that she could maybe put together what the heck had actually happened this morning that made her walk right up to the locked double doors. She raised her fingers up to her cheeks, shocked that her tears hadn't stopped this entire time. With that thought Vera brought a fist to her mouth, a hacked out sob escaping from her lips before she could help it. What just happened?

Were Rick's secrets something more dangerous than she ever considered? Was it an assassination, was there a motive? People aren't blasted in their own homes for no reason, especially by someone who was able to leave without a trace. Why didn't they kill her too? They didn't have any problems knocking her out. The knot in the back of her head was tender to touch. She gave a hiss as her fingers tentatively parted the thick rats nest that was her hair.

Was the answer in here? Behind all these locked doors and discarded boxes?

With trepidation she grasped the handle of the cabinet door with her left hand. It would all be too convenient, evidence that could help point to why Rick was a man someone seemingly wanted dead. She struggled to turn the handle, it was locked. For the first time she noticed the writing that was written with a sharpie on the cabinet door in Rick's cramped and hurried scrawl.

 **Keep Out. Seriously. Danger and Stuff.**

Danger her behind. If Rick really wanted to keep her out of his secret past maybe he shouldn't have died for seemingly _no flipping reason_.

With a well timed knife and jab later, courtesy of Rick's tool wall, Vera broke through the locked door of the cabinet. She was thankful he didn't think to ever padlock it. He trusted her too much to need it.

Vera bit her lip at that revelation, guilt creeping up through her core. What was she doing?

The knife clattered to the ground, Vera along with it. She landed ungracefully on her back, looking up at the rafters of the warehouse. She needed to get a hold of herself, before she lost complete control of her mental state. Not ten feet away was the brutally murdered remains of the man she loved covered with only a blue tarp. And here she was going to rifle through his past just to get back at him inexplicably dying before breakfast. It was _stupid._

With a harsh scream Vera slammed both her feet down on the front of the doors she had previously unlocked. The soles of her feet immediately stung, the reverberations of metal on bone never really that pleasant.

Vera was thankful she was lying down on her back when she kicked the cabinet. Otherwise she would have never had the time to roll away before a cardboard box came crashing down to the floor, right where her head was but seconds before. It had fallen onto its side, tools and oddends spilling out onto the floor.

That was practically an open invitation to peer into the box. Most of what was in there was junk anyways. Broken remote controls with springs breaking through, a random assortment of light bulbs and wires. But there was something else in there. In the back corner. Something wrapped in old newspaper.

Vera bit the inside of her cheek,

Curiosity had always been Vera's weakness. It was what had dragged her into all of this in the first place. If she had never indulged that burning desire of hers to find out who ended up in the alley of her apartment during college in a flash of green light five years ago she would have never even met Rick after all.

Her mind made up Vera thrust her arm into the box, her grip settling onto a handle of the device through the paper. It was warm to touch, the hum of energy increasing as she made contact with it.

She slowly ripped the yellowed newspaper away as she brought it closer, until held firmly in her right hand, was something that looked like a gun. There was a green vial of something on top, buttons scattered on the surface. There was a large black on on the side closest to the handle, the surface metallic and gleaming. For being shoved in a box for who knows how long it looked brand new, as if it was just placed there yesterday.

Vera knew Rick was a genius, a guy who had invented countless upon countless robots and gadgets. But she had never seen anything like this. Rick never divulged any information about inventions as peculiar as what she was currently holding, so Vera never bothered to pry. But this, this wasn't something to automate all the lights in a house or auto-cook a chicken in seconds.

In the blink of an eye Vera's Rick had transformed from a man of science, to science-fiction.

Without looking back she took aim at the cabinet in front of her, and pressed the largest black button.

 **RVRVRVRVRV**

Three hours later Vera Floyd from dimension Z121 had hit the road. Dimensionally speaking. With only a spare white lab coat, Rick's 3DS, and this mysterious gun to her name she began what would be a year of travel, to worlds she had never even dreamed of. That year was hard for Vera. She left behind the corpse of her now dead fiancee without any closure, and still had no idea in the faintest of what really happened that morning. For all she knew she was probably a prime suspect for the death of Rick. Someone would be bound to stumble upon his corpse eventually. And with her out of the picture it looked majorly suspicious.

But for Vera that was all but detail. Traveling through different worlds had become her addiction, a way to forget and only experience the now. She was able to lock up all the pain and confusion and hurt for about a year. She learned fast that you had to think quicker, that there were species of intelligent beings composed of literally anything you could think of. She saw a world where furniture ate phones and sat on people, and a really weird world where hamsters lived inside people. And then there was that creepy deformed place where everyone looked like a mutant, radiated mash up of generic body mush and limbs. That place was gross. It was a wonder she hadn't died until now really, and Vera knew it too. Perhaps it was because she didn't really have anything to die for that the universe, in all its ironic wisdom, decided to let her live. Vera saw, experienced, and traveled through hundreds of worlds, and yet it all blended into just "blah" for her. Nothing felt like home. Was that what she was looking for? Who knew. There could be a whole other story dedicated just to Vera's adventures and her journey into introspection and meaning.

However, Vera's story, her true one, begins now.

Nothing mattered about Vera Floyd, from dimension Z121 until she landed on a planet called Earth. The portal gun never gave Vera any indication she was traveling through different dimensions. Vera just thought she was jumping around the Milky Way to be honest. For the past year Vera had never stumbled upon another planet that looked even remotely like Earth. As far as she knew she _was_ back on Earth. Technically she was. She was on the planet Earth, dimension C-137.

 **RVRVRVRVRV**

Vera stuffed the portal gun back into the inside pocket of a white lab coat a little too big for her, her eyes sweeping over the street. A lot could happen in a year she knew. It was the only justification for why Earth seemed to be inhabited by… alien tourists? Was contact made in her absence? Or maybe this was a different planet that just happened to look a lot like Earth?

Vera's doubts ended when another passing human told her that yes, this was Earth. Was she an alien for asking?

She couldn't help but snort at the question, shaking her head as she made it to what appeared to be a busy intersection. She was a human back amongst humans, and now aliens too she supposed. Sticking her hand inside one of the many pockets that lined the coat she traced over the rectangle of Rick's 3DS. The charge died out long ago when she stumbled upon a planet that was in complete darkness. Vera had to use the screen for light as she stumbled around in the dark looking for the portal gun that bounced away upon landing.

It had become a sense of security, sliding the handheld into her palm. It was the last of Rick she had left. That and the now worn coat. And the portal gun she supposed.

Vera stopped dead in her tracks and musings as she bumped into the back end of a crowd quickly forming. Aliens and humans alike had crowded around on the sidewalk, heads turned up towards the front of a giant screen that had to have been installed by the aliens. It was huge and the sound quality crystal clear even down on the street before amongst all the voices. Something of great interest was being discussed by some praying mantis aliens at what appeared to be a news desk. Words were scrolling fast along the bottom of the screen very much like a stock ticker. It took a few cycles for a language that Vera could identify as English to scroll through.

"Galactic Federation's #1 Terrorist now in custody. "

That sounded pretty important. Looking around Vera was unsurprised to see the aliens around them appreciating the significance of this development. The humans had begun to slowly filter out as the news casters kept speaking in some alien language. Vera was on her way out to join them, but then the screen flashed a picture of a man.

For the first time in a year Vera gazed up upon the face of the man who last she saw was very much dead under a blue tarp. That she covered him with.

His hair was a lot messier than she had ever seen, and he looked older somehow. Definitely grumpier. But there was no denying it. If Vera had not just been running around different worlds for the past year she would have put her foot down and rubbed her eyes raw, convinced she was just seeing things. But she had been doing just that. If there was technology to make portals and travel around the universe then why wouldn't there be some scientific medicine breakthrough to bring him back to life? Maybe one of these aliens found him, realized his genius and is now the famous inventor Vera always knew he could be.

She wished she understood whatever the aliens were saying. They were very excited after showing his picture, she could interpret that much. It wasn't until she picked out his name amongst the rapid flurry of alien garble that she allowed herself to hope. The same message about some terrorist kept scrolling below every so often in English, but Vera was too worked up to even notice. To put it all together.

Her hands went up to the lapels of the coat, pulling the material taught. She could give him back this coat and his 3DS. She could tell him all about her adventures, show him his portal gun. Maybe he could finally come clean and talk about all his past adventures. Maybe they could go on a few of their own. Maybe as a now famous figure in this new alien-human world they could finally have enough money to settle down. Have the wedding that was always set vaguely for some date in the future. Their year apart could have only strengthened the bond between them. Vera allowed herself to smile the widest she's had in the past year.

He was alive.

Now all she had to do was find him.


	2. Chapter 2

Vera shifted the weight between her feet for what felt like the hundredth time. Pretty much everyone around her was doing the exact same thing. She gave her head a slow shake. "And let the waiting dance continue…" Even though she muttered that under her breath the person in front of her huffed out a noise of agreement.

It felt like she had been waiting here for hours now. In this stupid line. After discovering that Rick was very much alive, and at least well-known enough to warrant having his picture plastered on a giant screen, Vera knew what her next step had to be. Rushing away from that intersection Vera didn't have to sprint far to find herself in front of a very large, and very new-looking building. The mountain of stairs leading up to the multiple doors seemed only a little bit like overkill. The banners that draped down in front of the building a shockingly drab green with some weird triangle logo in a sick looking yellow. Whoever decided on the color choice for this place really dropped the ball. Aesthetics aside it was obvious this was a place of information. Both humans and aliens alike were milling about. More of those weird praying mantis people in official looking clothing than people mind you, but still.

So anyhow there she was ready to make an expedition of those steps only to have herself be yanked away almost instantaneously. One stern glare, an "Uh-HMM", and a very convincing lobster claw later (really though it was an alien that looked like a person, but with blue skin and LOBSTER CLAWS), Vera found out that everyone and their mother had decided now was a good time to make a trip to the alien city hall.

An hour later and Vera had come to the conclusion that this line was in fact composed of almost entirely of her fellow man. Add that to the gawking menagerie of alien life forms she had already seen pass by in nearly every color under the sun, and Vera was starting to get a little cranky.

"I feel like we're exhibits at a zoo."

The man who agreed with her before had now decided to turn around. He went just about to her chin, so short for a man, with the ovalest head she had ever seen. The thing was like when you take a hard-boiled egg and squash it between your hands just enough so that you don't get gross yolk oozing out everywhere. Who was she to judge though. Maybe his mom had a pretty gnarly birth canal.

"Oh you get used to it after a while." He brought out a hand to shake, which Vera returned. She noted his grip was pretty limp even though he was the one who offered. "Gene Vagina. No relation."

Vera knew hew face betrayed what social decency expected for he quickly withdrew his hand. "As I was saying you'll get used to all this alien hub-bub soon enough." "That so?" Vera tried as subtly as possible to look behind good 'ole Gene here. The line had started to pick a little bit faster. More little than faster. She could see scary Lobster Lady again.

Undeterred Mr. Vagina rapidly nodded his head, his tone now a tad smug. "When you're principal of a high school you see a lot of craziness. I've seen students frozen and subsequently shattered into hundreds of little bite-size pieces. Bite size pieces made of ice of course. The clean up would have been terrible otherwise. "

"Uh-huh." The line seemed to have remembered it was moving and subsequently stopped.

"And then there was the time a blue man was on the pathway to repairing my divorce, when he disappeared," Vagina crept closer to regain her attention, "Right before my very eyes!"

Vera truthfully only caught the tail end of that. There seemed to be about twenty people left in line before her. "Spooky."

"But the strangest of them all was the time _giant floating heads_ filled the sky!"

Vera had to stop and look at him now. "... What?"

"Oh yes. You remember. Couldn't have been that long ago actually. When the giant floating heads had come down from the heavens," Vagina lifted his arms upwards, his voice taking on a sense of awe. "In all their wisdom they led us, only to take it all away. I was to join them you see, hand picked by them personally." Vagina really hadn't made his tale seem any more real. Especially when he had begun to encroach on Vera's space way too much in the end there. She had no choice but to look down at his face as his eyes sort of glazed over. "My disciples attached balloons to my body and from there I began my holy pilgrimage."

That was the last coherent thing Vagina uttered before he fell to his knees in front of Vera, hands grasping towards the sky.

" **Why have you forsaken us?!"** Vera walked right past the crazy man as he continued his rant. The people behind her did the same. Only ten more heads ahead of her now as she left Gene Vagina behind.

"Your prophet demands answers!"

Shaking her head in disbelief Vera continued on with the flow of the line. In what felt like considerably less time than the past hour had been Vera found herself at the front of the line. A couple more minutes passed before she was waved through to climb up the stairs and enter the building.

And climb she did. Vera couldn't remember the last time she had to traverse something so steep. By the time she got to the top she realized why the line had been moving so slowly before. The part of her that had been surviving the past year on alien planets hoped these stairs weren't being used as some endurance waster to make herself a lot easier to eat. Fancy building or no everyone not human on Earth was still an alien to her. That thought didn't exactly fade away as easily as she would have liked. Vera found herself ushered into a large room set up with what had to be at least a hundred desks.

As she clumsily sat down Vera found herself face to face with Lobster Lady yet again. Of course she worked in whatever place this was. Thankfully the blue-skinned woman didn't seem to remember Vera as she gazed down at her, seemingly bored to death.

"Name?"

"Vera Floyd?"

The creature gave Vera a look before typing out something on the tablet with a holographic screen. She drolled out yet another question.

"Race?"

Vera scrunched her eyebrows as she slipped her hand back down into the coat pocket, running her fingers over the 3DS. "Well my mom was adopted so we don't really know for sure. My dad's Mexican though." Vera shrugged her shoulders. "So I guess that'd make me a mutt?" She also ended her answer with a tiny nervous smile. Anything to get the lady in front of her to form some sort of emotion.

Lobster Lady's face didn't even move a muscle. "Human."

It didn't even come out as a question. Vera nodded mutely and looked down. Coming from Claws-For-Hands that didn't really sound like a good thing to be. The alien let out a heavy sigh before continuing her questioning.

"And what are your skills?"

"Skills?" Vera gave out a soft chuckle. More to calm her jittering nerves than anything. "What is this some kind of on the spot job interview?" Vera trailed off at the end there, taking the time to finally dart her eyes at the other desks around her. More than half of the people there were dressed up pretty smart. Attentive to the questions, hanging on the word of each alien that sat across from them. Oh.

"Oh…"

Lobster Lady had one claw up against her forehead. Vera guessed she wasn't the first clueless human she's had to talk to today.

Trying to salvage the situation Vera raised both her hands in understanding. "I don't need a job. I'm here to look for someone." Lobster Lady didn't seem to take notice, and just kept massaging her forehead. And somehow not hurting herself. That must have been one doozy of a headache coming on.

"I think whoever is in charge of this whole alien operation thing on Earth may know him. I saw his face on the news earlier today." Lobster Lady's tapping continued.

Ver shifted more excitedly, getting to the point of her coming here. She didn't stop the pride that escaped her voice either.

"He's some pretty big shot scientist. And inventor." Vera took in a deep breath before continuing.

"My fiance Rick Sanchez. You may know him." She finished on the edge of her seat, face broken out into in a grin and her hands clasped together in front of her. This was it. _She was going to see Rick._

As if she uttered a spell, Lobster Lady froze. Come to think of it every desk in their vicinity did too. The aliens at least.

Lobster Lady's eyes grew wide. It was like Vera short-circuited the woman. Vera fidgeted under the lady's expression of shock. The moment dragged on longer and longer, all the desks now in the room settling into an eerie silence. Lobster Lady seemed to just stare back at her. Vera's grin began to fade. She sat back in her seat with her arms falling down to her lap. That should have been her first indication not everything was as she assumed.

The button on Lobster Lady's tablet that was slammed down the second she came back to her senses was the second.

 **RVRVRVRVRV**

"There are very few things on this backwards planet I tolerate Miss Floyd. Humans and liars are not on that list." The praying mantis alien… thing leaned back against her desk, arms crossed and face severe. "And from what Agent Cessa has told me, you're now 2 and 0 in that department."

Vera tried to sit up straight in her chair, the metal rods set across the back extremely uncomfortable. Add that to the freezing temperature this very commanding alien liked to keep her room in, and Vera was starting to feel like she had thrust herself into some major trouble. From the decorated uniform Vera could guess who she had the misfortune of talking to now was somehow very high-ranking. She also looked to be the type who handled authority with ease. And she was terrifying to boot. Vera never realized how pointy and sharp the limbs on these bugs really were until now.

As if she could read her mind the alien raised an appendage, pointing it directly at Vera, who subsequently gulped.

"No one in their right mind would _ever_ ," She punctuated her point by slashing the air, "Ever willingly enter a Galactic Federation embassy all just to utter that man's name." She took a step away from the desk, smoothing out the front of her button up jacket. Vera took note that this alien probably didn't like to have her emotions get away from her. "I'm afraid I don't know whether to think you insane or suicidal. If you feel like you have to be locked up Miss Floyd let me assure you this was probably the worst way to go about it. If you're suffering from some mental break the Federation can help you."

"No, I don't need help." Vera felt some of her confidence creeping back in as her interrogator calmed down. She slipped her hand back into the pocket of the handheld, taking note how the alien's gazed followed her arm. Immediately she drew her hand back, rubbing it over her pant leg. "Ms-"

"Major Sluugbuug."

Vera bit down on the inside of her cheek to prevent the snort that wanted to burst free escape. She ended up silently hiccuping, her body giving off a strange twitch. It was a really weird name for a praying mantis alien to have you had to admit. Even though the major didn't have eyebrows to raise, she somehow managed to make her very large and very red eyes do the exact same thing.

"Major I saw my fiance's picture face on your news after not seeing him for a whole year." Vera leaned towards Sluugbuug, trying to get the significance across. "Last I saw him he was dead on our living room floor. With all the crazy techno advancements you guys already have here on Earth, how is it unreasonable to think the only man who probably would have any idea what alien technology is end up under your guys' radar?" It was Vera's turn to cross her arms, falling back against her chair. She tried to stiffen her wince as she came into contact with the metal. "I know he's alive. I know he's a good man. What I don't get is why your whole Galaxy Federation thing seems to have it out for him!"

Sluugbuug stared back at Vera, her gaze unblinking. Vera in turn narrowed her eyebrows, sick and tired of being stared at today. Vera was just about to go off when the Major shifted her body, going back around to sit at her desk. She brushed down the front of her shirt yet again, picking at invisible dust before she looked back up. Her eyes never left Vera's face as she explained.

"The 'good man' you call your fiance has been on the Galactic Federation's most wanted list for almost five decades. An amount of time I realize for your kind is more than half a lifespan. He has stolen, blackmailed, armed assassins... " She pulled a tablet from the corner of the desk, swiping through screens before settling on a collage of images. She pushed it towards Vera's side of the desk. "He has killed thousands upon thousands of beings. A majority of them my own kind." Vera didn't want to look down, to play into this lady's trick. Her nonsense.

Rick Sanchez was a man who invented robots to cut butter and tried to make life better for those he cared about. Was he closed off? Sure, what genius men weren't. But to think he had managed to live a double life the whole five years past they've been together? Nope. It didn't happen. This bug be trippin'.

"I don't believe you."

Vera pushed the tablet back towards Sluugbuug without even looking down. The major let out a deep sigh and tapped what would be her hands together. "You're saying he entered your life in a manner that was anything but sudden, unexpected? He literally didn't drop himself into your life and force himself upon your very own aid and generosity?" Vera flexed her right hand, realizing it had turned into a fist. Whatever sick psychological mind games this bug was trying to pull won't work on her. The fact she first met Rick in alley by her apartment after a random flash of light be darned. How he pushed himself into her life so quickly. They just clicked very well very soon. Weirder things had happened.

"Miss Floyd you've been manipulated-"

"No."

"Stockholm Syndrome is what humans call it I believe..."

"No!" Vera rose to her feet, fists balled up at her sides.

"The man you love is a cold-hearted murderer who used your affections for his own selfish gain-"

"Shut up! You're the liar!" Vera heard herself echo in the room. The fact this stupid alien bug didn't look the least riled up while Vera felt herself a tightly coiled spring ready to snap only made her feel worse. And for some reason childish. But how else are you supposed to react when someone who has no idea the kind of relationship you had starts acting all 'holier than thou' and saying it was wrong? Unnatural.

Vera and the Major just started back at each other. Vera tried to make herself calm down. She could be cool. Like Miss Slug over here.

A door opened from behind Vera. She didn't bother to turn around as another praying mantis walked over to the desk. Sluugbuug gave no response as he whispered to her earhole. He kept sneaking glances over at Vera though, so she kept herself on guard.

Which was why she flinched back so suddenly, as did the messenger when the Major brought her arm up in swift motion. She stopped right in front of his face, his voice dying down at her command. Vera fidgeted in her seat. Not even caring what Sluugbuug thought she stuffed her hand back into the coat pocket. Like a talisman she ran her fingers over the familiar pathways of the system. She absently began pressing down on one of the back buttons as the Major cleared her throat.

"It would appear the stage has been set Miss Floyd. Now we can see who was right after all." She gathered herself up and walked over to Vera's chair. The messenger trailed behind her, a vicious grin plastered on his face. Vera didn't like where this was going, so she too got up to her feet, one hand on the back of the chair as the other stayed in her pocket. Her eyes narrowed at Sluugbuug, "What do you mean?"

Choosing not to answer the Major swept by Vera, leaving her alone with the other. She paused at the door, her back to the room as she spoke. "Ant would you please restrain Miss Floyd and debrief her before the ship leaves?" Before she even finished talking Vera had her arms pulled out behind her, effortlessly locked in some form of restraint for a bug with sticks for hands. "Good grief and now you expect me to believe his name is Ant? Is your emperor's name Ladybug?"

The Major turned around and came right up to Vera's face much quicker than anything she anticipated. In a flash the point at the tip of her arm that was her hand brought Vera's chin up to face her. If she wasn't currently being held hostage on alien territory Vera would have probably spat in her face. She turned her glare on full blast to Sluugbuug in retaliation. Ant tightened the hold on her arms enough to cause Vera to grunt with pain, her glare melting into more of a grimace. The Major kept her hold under Vera's chin.

"You better hope your brief, insignificant time with Rick Sanchez trumps our fifty years of character profiling Miss Floyd." She brought her face close, the tone of her voice very much less conversational as it was before.

That's it, Vera was stockpiling the spit.

"Or else you. Are going. To die."

After jabbing Vera with each pause the Major looked back to Ant and nodded. Without looking back Major Sluugbuug left the room and turned abruptly left, letting the door close on her way out.

Her parting words doused Vera's fire immediately. She couldn't help but tremble as the door closed, the bright light from the hall shut out with it.

With a snicker Ant turned her body around so she was walking ahead of him, guiding her towards a door on the opposite side of the room. Vera felt herself be pushed by the alien effortlessly, her steps rocking her body along like waves out on sea. In her past year of planetary travel Vera had never felt more alone, and more in danger than what was currently happening. Happening to her because of praying mantis bug aliens of all things. She had seen Rick's bloody corpse, been hunted as food countless times, and have even ended up on worlds that to the core were filled with horrors even the most seasoned of survivalists would be terrified of.

But never had Vera felt as great a sense of dread or foreboding than she did right in this moment, held captive by an alien empire whose only goal in her mind was to convince her that everything she ever had, or thought she had with Rick was just a charade. A farce. That Rick Sanchez, the love of her life was a terrorist. A heartless sociopath who cared about nothing but his own agenda.

That she now had to depend on their love, which had been absent for a year, to be the difference between life and death. Her life or death.

Oh what in the world was going on?

Vera wished she knew.


	3. Chapter 3

To be completely honest Rick was surprised it took these idiotic bugs this long to start interrogating him.

The Federation always liked to show off their power in the form of visuals and actions. Oh man they arrested one of the biggest terrorists in their recorded history? Better whisk him away to the maximum security wing of their little jail planet. The neck constraint was a nice touch. It didn't take Rick long to realize not everyone around him had the same limitations. Yeah there was that large slug to his right and the huge neckless brute to his left. Their restraints couldn't nearly be as restrictive as his. Rick let out a slow raspberry to break the silence and shift his thoughts.

From the minute they landed here these Galactic assholes were trying to get under his skin and make him all scared. Being locked down wasn't terrifying. If you didn't knock Rick unconscious the second you got him into custody and keep him out, you weren't even trying. Yeah the fact he probably wasn't going to get his hands on any alcohol anytime soon was annoying, but not life-shattering. Everyone who said he was an alcoholic could fuck off. He was a big boy in control of his dependencies. He also pushed to the back of his mind the fact his hands hadn't stopped twitching since he got here.

Back to the topic at hand. Rick had all the time in the world to think of his next move. They didn't handcuff his brain. He could wait. It had only been a day and already Rick knew the bugs worked in shifts as any other jail system would. Yeah that didn't mean there was ever a shift with less bodies unfortunately but it did mean not the same individuals would be guarding his area all day. Rick had to find a weak one. Someone he could break.

Emotional manipulation was easy. He'd used it multiple times back in the day. Never underestimate the power of your mind. Rick knew that yeah, having a human mind was probably the biggest drawback he could get, but it was something he could work with. For all the trouble and "fake complexity" people liked to tote the human thought process with it really wasn't anything special. Humans worked off primal instincts amplified by what they would like to consider complex emotions. The quicker a person learned to look through the bullshit facade of what they thought they wanted and instead zone in straight to the instinctual point, the better off you would be really.

Survive and thrive. And drink.

Rick didn't dwell on the fact the very reason he was in a Galactic Fed jail and not in one of his hideouts a few galaxies over was because he broke his own life philosophy and decided to care. _Again._ Fuuck that. Rick meant it back on the van. That was the last time he would ever divert from survive and thrive again. Caring was not an advantage. Emotional attachment could jump off a cliff as far as he was concerned. That was it. Finito.

"Dooooooonezooooo"

This place was too quiet. Which was why Rick drew out the vowels. Nice and long. Get a good echo in there. There wasn't a lot Rick hated more than utterly deafening silence. If the Feds had anything going for them, it was that this stinkhole was full of it. The silence. A suffocating blanket of auditory nothingness.

"Hey Shitfaces what you looking at?"

Two guards on their little floating platforms had approached his tile, the robot crane that placed him there originally now lifting his tile back up. "Ohhh I see. Yeah you couldn't even last two days without questioning the smartest guy in the universe could you?" Rick felt himself getting pulled away from the wall. He still could only see where he's been since they were at least smart enough to not turn him around. The two guards were floating behind him, their laser rifles held at the ready.

Rick scoffed at their stoic expressions. "Yeah, good luck trying to get anything out of me you stupid bugshits." He bit his lip, focusing on having his hands not shake in the slightest. All his fingers and thumbs dropped down, save for those very special middle phalanges on each hand. He grinned wide. "Yeah you like that? More where that came from." They appeared to have entered a hallway as the sliding doors closed to the main jail room.

A few turns and Rick heckling later, and he found himself in a room paneled in white walls. Didn't take a genius to see this room was most likely blast proof. Fluorescent lights buzzed above to give the whole space a blinding quality. His tile was turned around and flanked by the two guards. In front of him was what appeared to be an opaque panel wall to wall and ceiling to floor. In front of that was yet another bug, this one adorned in some official garb. From the decorations and style Rick guessed it was a Major at least. The vomit green on the already vomit green skin of these bugs was pretty terrible as a design choice. Then again, this was the Galactic Federation. Terrible decisions was kind of what they do.

"If you could look up here Mr. Sanchez."

With a heavy and exaggerated sigh Rick managed to turn his eyes up at the now apparent female officer. Rick pulled on a bored face. It wasn't hard, anything these bugshits had to say to him he didn't want to hear. Could not care less in the slightest.

Unfazed the alien in front of him stood tall, her arms crossed and face in good humor. "How are you liking your accommodations with us Mr. Sanchez? As the newly appointed head officer of your little insignificant ball of dirt known as E-Arth, the only saving grace was that the infamous Rick Sanchez would now fall under my jurisdiction." She lifted an arm out to Rick to shake, who of course couldn't take it. Not that he would even want to anyways without ripping her arm from that socket if he could. "This is how your kind greets each other is it not?" Rick rolled his eyes, settling on of the corners of the opaque panel. It looked like frosted glass. Rick could barely make out a shape on the other side, low to the ground.

The Major withdrew her arm, looking past to the guards flanking Rick. "You can leave us now."

Her grin drew flat as the two left, her large, red eyes now narrowed at Rick's face. His attention was still on anything but her. That would change soon. "I am Major Sluugbuug of the Dangull Division, Slanboop Sector of the Galactic Federation." She reached into the inner pocket of her coat, pulling out a thin, metal rod. "And I want to make your life a living gel." She leaned back in the slightest. "That is what your kind says right? To threaten? Living gel? Bell? Whatever!" Flipping a switch the rod started to react with the spherical structure at the top, rings of electrical current continuously floating down the rod and starting again.

"Oh there are so many horrors I want to inflict on your flesh." She leaned over Rick, her face right against his. Rick. He didn't hide his disgust. She smelled pretty terrible. Most of these bugshits did. They were literal bugshits. Rick snorted out of amusement at his own conclusion.

"You have made my people suffer for too long Mr. Sanchez. Do you know how many families you've torn apart? How many innocent lives you've snuffed out. In the name of freedom, of all things!" She took a couple of steps back, arms wide as she turned spun around. "And all for what Mr. Sanchez. What was your reign of murder and destruction really for?"

"Oh my god are you really asking me that question? Are you actually not getting it?"

Rick pointed his fingers the best he could in his restraints at Sluugbuug. "You think every planet, every galaxy, every single living creature with half a brain should all just, all just roll over and wuh-wave their asses in your face for you to just fuck over. Just because your own shitbug civilization couldn't be happy sniffing the crap piles on your planet!" Rick rolled his head around as best he could. "But noooooo. You had to make this crappy bureaucratic Galactic Federation bullshit to trick people into thinking cross-cultural planetary awareness was a good thing. Spoilers! That whole phrase is just a nice wuh-wuh-way of saying _total assimilation and colonial conquest._ " Rick scoffed at her. "All the while you bugshits are silently enslaving and exterminating all the planets who are smart enough to think 'Hey, maybe having one supreme power in the entire universe isn't such a good thing after all.' Who, who woulda thought right?!"

Sluugbuug didn't react to Rick's entire rant. She didn't even listen. When his voice stopped sputtering nonsense she asked him, "Are you done yet?" "Hold on."

Rick flipped her off. "Now I am."

Immediately Sluugbuug took her baton and thrust it into Rick's side. Taken by surprise at her sudden attack Rick couldn't brace himself fully. The electricity traveled throughout his body, but Rick knew it wasn't inflicting any internal damage. The Federation had developed and honed many torture techniques over their long, long reign. Torture devices that didn't physically harm the subject was a speciality. Still didn't make it hurt any less. If anything it now hurt more. Without the body weakening with every attempt every ounce of pain would still feel just as fresh and sudden as the first time.

"Mother...fucker." Rick clenched his teeth, his jaw aching at the force he was inflicting to not cry out. He had encountered pain throughout his life, an equal share inflicted be it from his own inventions as well as others. He's been shot at and sliced. Had limbs crushed under extreme weight and gone hungry for a week. But he hadn't been tortured in a long while. Not in the past two years anyways.

Sluugbuug held her baton there at his side a moment more before withdrawing it. True to its purpose there was no mark on Rick's jail garb to even suggest he had been shocked. Rick knew there wouldn't even be any burn marks on his skin. His heavy breathing and face contortion the only evidence of what had just occurred.

"That was a rhetorical question Mr. Sanchez. I don't need to hear whatever misguided justification your rag tag lot has come up with over the years. You lost the right to an opinion the very day you made us," the Major spun the bat around in a circle before stuffing it back in her coat, "The enemy." That done for now she pressed down the front of her coat, her features morphing back into her standard "pleasantly neutral."

"You and I will have the time for many one on one chats in the future I assure you. But today," she raised her arm, waving it at Rick. Mostly recovered from the shock his eyes flitted between her and the blurry shape behind the wall. What was she planning? "Today is about you and your friend. Well, friend is probably not the right word."

"I don't have any friends." "No, I believe you on that front. Not anymore anyways." She flashed him a malicious grin. Rick clenched his shaking hands into fists. "This lovely lady stormed into our headquarters on E-Arth soon as she could. Kept saying how she _had_ to see you, kept going on and on about how you were this wonderful, caring man and not the sick sociopath we both know you are." The Major huffed. "It was disgusting."

Rick's mind rushed into controlled panic mode the second Sluugbuug mentioned "friend." It couldn't have been anyone Rick knew outside of Earth. He fought for a cause other planets and groups shared, but you were a fool to think you could earn Rick's trust past him not shooting you down in battle. And even then, casualities on both sides didn't really ever faze him. His only friends were Birdperson and Squanchy. And one was dead the other MIA.

And then when she mentioned a _lady_ Rick was thrown for a loop. It was impossible that it was Unity, all the guards and Sluugbuug here were their stupid bugshit selves. She didn't want anything to do with him anyways.

There were no female Ricks in the Council of Ricks, and no one who would even want to turn themselves into a woman for the sake of a rescue mission anyways. Their mutual distaste of each other went both ways. And Rick was okay with that.

But what other woman then? Who was the only female in this universe that would willingly want to seek out Rick and not stop praising his genius? Who would have the backbone to march right up to the heart of Shitbug central and demand to see Rick, any thought for her own safety be damned? Who wouldn't take yet another unexplained absence from her life as an answer?

The Major's grin grew wider as Rick's face morphed into that of rage. His voice came out slow and calculated. Yet it had an edge as sharp as a razor. Sluugbuug knew this plan would work. Rick would tell her anything she wanted to know about his portal technology. This girl meant that much to him.

"You fuckwads just made a huge mistake."

Rick's entire body was shaking. Why did he ever believe anything the Federation would say. He let his judgement be misled one time, and blindly believe his family would actually be left alone. And not be thrown into whatever nightmare these fuckers decided upon. And he knew the Federation knew how valuable Morty was. He was going to be their trump card. Or maybe Morty honestly didn't care about Rick's fate anymore since he abandoned them on that planet. That's why they didn't pick him now. And the federation knew Jerry was a bottom tier hanging by a thread edge of any concern for Rick. And that was only because he was Morty and Summer's dad. And Beth's husband. And Beth still seemed to love him even though their marriage is as much a horrific car crash that Rick's was. Summer was smart but too sucked up into her own tiny world to willingly risk her neck without Morty or himself right behind her.

Why waste their effort on the third generation when they could skip right to the heart of the family. The very person who without no one else would have existed. They were going to have Beth see him restrained like an animal in Galactic Federation glory, and use her to get his greatest technological secrets out. And it might just work. Rick's anger didn't abate. He was mad at the Feds, mad at his family for being stupid enough to get themselves caught by said Feds, and mad at himself. For caring. Is this never going to stop coming back and biting him is it? Two years ago you could tell Rick his family got flattened by a meteor and he would just shrug it off. He had never bothered to meet them. Meet this family. They weren't even the same family he originally met that fateful day on January 18th two years ago save for Morty! But then he had to go and get involved. Get sucked up into their little happy family game. Survive and thrive his ass. Rick dug himself into this goddamned emotional pit, now he had to find a way out of it.

"My daughter knows literally nothing about anything. If you fuckers had half the brain to drag her up here you should know I spent all those years away from her, because of what I was doing. Not really something you want to expose your teenage daughter to. Hey sweetie I'm off to slaughter thousands of an enemy alien race. Tell mom I'll be late for dinner!" Rick's shook his head. They meant nothing to the cause and mean nothing to him. "You think I would waste the time to explain anything I do to literal sacks of shit that just happened to be related to me?"

Sluugbuug leaned against the panel, clapping the pointy ends to her limbs that were her hands. "Oh bravo Rick. A lesser being would almost believe you." She stopped, her voice hushed to a whisper. "But we know about her Rick. There's someone else isn't there? A young lady who thinks herself in love with you. When I first saw her I thought such relationships are outside the social capacity of a sociopathic madman to fully grasp, but maybe her position could be used to our advantage."

Rick was confused. That didn't happen often. If these bugshits weren't even competent enough to utilize his family as the weak point they were, who in the hell did they think they have behind that glass?

"You look puzzled. That's okay. I hear it's been about a year since the two of you interacted." Sluugbuug cooed on. "Talk is cheap. Why don't we let you two lovebirds catch up?"

Throwing down a panel on the wall that wasn't there before a device scanned the point of the Major's arm before retreating back into the wall.

All of a sudden the divider started to sink into the ground.

Rick strained to peer over the divider as it effortlessly glided down. There was one guard in the back with an energy rifle. The only other occupant huddled on the floor right where the divider had been moments ago. As the panel disappeared the figure scooted back, her palms flat on the ground as she sat up and looked straight at Rick.

All that stood out to Rick was a tangled mess of thick, black hair. She was a human who was wearing a very much worn down white lab coat. His lab coat. And she looked like she had been just as well off as he had been in the past twenty-four hours. She was scrawny and had this stupid expression on her face. She looked up at him like he was a ghost, her jaw open and eyes unblinking. It was unnerving.

Sluugbuug's eyes traveled from Vera to Rick with lightening speed. Waited for them to both mutually register the other before carrying out the next phase of her plan. The second Rick gave up his silly little facade of not knowing the girl she would have Ant strike. A well placed gun to the head, maybe a warning shot to her leg to show Rick she was deadly serious, and all those sweet, sweet secrets would come pouring out of him. It was foolproof.

"Who the fuck are you and why are you wearing my coat?"

 **RVRVRVRVRV**

The moment the wall between them fell into the ground all Vera could do gape. She knew she looked like an idiot to, but she couldn't help it. Her mouth dropped down, trying to utter any words. Anything of all. There was Rick. Right before her very eyes. The man she saw dead on the floor a year ago now right in front of her. He looked worse for wear, and was shackled to some weird tile, but he was there. Everything just melted away at his presence. She didn't know what to think of it.

And then Rick said what he did.

Vera wasn't sure what felt worse the fact Rick just said he had no idea who she was or the realization that his answer wasn't exactly what Sluugbuug wanted to hear. Her parting words to Vera were still fresh on her mind. She didn't want to die. Who did? Maybe it was a ploy. Rick was trying to do something. He was obviously held against his will in some big shot alien space prison. He couldn't admit to knowing her so that she could be safe.

"Rick, hey it's okay. She knows. I saw your face on the news after a year of nothing, and I just… Just knew I had to see you." Vera twisted the tail ends of the lab coat in her hands. "Rick, hun it's me-"

Sluugbuug cut her off, turning to Rick. "It's Vera."

Rick scrunched his eyebrow, trying to get a grasp on the situation. Here was a girl who Sluugbuug here thought was his _fiance_? As if in any dimension a Rick would ever make that mistake again. The idiotic puppy dog look she was giving him, fighting back tears and all, way too much sentiment. Rick was getting sick just staring at her.

The name he heard also didn't ring any bells. In all his years of inter-dimensional space travel, Rick was actually pretty sure he had never met anyone with that name. Which when you thought about it was actually quite a feat. Rick turned to the bug.

"What the hell game are you trying to pull Slugshit? I mean, you could have literally plucked any being in this entire universe, plopped them down here, and they would probably mean something more to me than this girl does right now."

Vera felt her knees shake. Not exactly the reunion she was expecting. Nor was it the Major's.

Refusing to believe she had made such an error in judgement Sluugbuug called out to the lone guard in the room. "Ant apprehend her now." Vera suddenly felt herself grappled by the bug, his one arm easily locking both of hers in place behind her back. She then felt the cool metal of his barrel right at her temple.

"What the heck is going on?!" Vera was on her knees, trying to squirm away from her hold. She shouted at Rick. "It's only been a goshdarn year Rick are you saying you already forgot about me? About us?!"

"What 'us'? Why in the universe would I ever get together with some crazy lady like you?"

"Was I not too exciting a life for you? For this stupid secret life you apparently had to land you here of all places?"

"I don't know who the, who the fuck you are! I've never seen you before in my life- Sorry if that's not the answer you, you were hoping for." Rick was only getting more agitated the longer this insane woman kept trying to keep whatever trick she was pulling up. Was this some form of new bugshit torture? Just sic hysterical women on him? Goddamn this was effective. "And why do you have my coat?"

Meanwhile Ant kept pressing the barrel of his gun harder into the side of Vera's head. Yet somehow it delivered the opposite effect. Vera was getting more riled up. She risked her neck to get here to see Rick and now he's like a different person entirely? Oh when they got out of this she was going to make him pay. Make him remember.

"You two-timing JERK!" She let out a scream, taking her legs out from under her and kicking in Rick's general direction. "Sorry Miss Delusional try again."

" **ENOUGH!"**

Vera and Rick's sentences died on their lips. Sluugbuug was rubbing the side of her head, her general aura of control absent. None of this was going exactly as planned. Not at all, not at all. She was trained in lie-detection, Vera didn't give off any of the signs during their discussion. But Rick, who she felt was the last authority on displays of honesty, would have nothing to gain lying about not knowing her. Especially with Vera having a gun pointed right at her brains, ready to blow.

Vera took the moment to calm down and review the situation. Rick was adamant in saying he didn't know her. This could all just be part of his plan to get her out of here safely. It's something her Rick would do. But goshdarn did what Rick said hurt. And they were arguing. Never before did Vera and Rick ever argue. Rick would always just change the subject or derail heated conversations before they ever got to the yelling part. But minutes in now and already they were lashing at each other's throats. It could just be the frustration she's had pent up the past year. Why Rick didn't feel like he could trust her with the knowledge that he was alive. Unless his death was faked by these Federation bugs. Or he faked his death. But why would Rick do that?

Why the heck was everything coming into play as it was?

Vera wasn't sure, but she was sure that in order to keep up Rick's strategy of acting like they didn't know each other she had to play along. She needed to get them out of here.

"Rick Sanchez you've made it clear to all of us that this girl means absolutely nothing to you." He nodded slowly.

"As such," Sluugbuug turned to Ant and Vera. "I'm sure you won't mind then if we blow her brains out right on this floor in front of you?"

Rick didn't even blink. "Nope."

Oh Rick you better have something in mind. But she had to trust him. He loved her. That didn't help the fact she still started to tremble under the gun.

"So you wouldn't care to share some of your genius, say the intricacies of a portal gun? In exchange for her life?"

Rick laughed. "Yeah. I'm going to tell you about the one thing I may, or may not, have invented that your greedy little bugshit stick arms haven't gotten ahold of, in exchange for some random human's life." He tossed his head to the side as best he could. "You figured out my end game oh boy."

Vera felt her heart pound faster and faster the more she heard the two exchange. But then, wait.

Portal gun.

Portal gun!

They don't know she has it. Not even Rick! The whole time during her trip from Earth to wherever here was, they just threw her in a tiny room and locked it up. She was just an ordinary lovelorn human girl. Why would she have access to some crazy advanced alien technology? This was brilliant. All too perfect.

No one caught Vera's smile.

Sluugbuug studied Rick with intensity. Was he going to play this game? "Ant," Sluugbuug raised her arm, eyes still on a seemingly uninterested Rick. "Fire."

"Anything to shut her-"

That was the only thing Ant managed to say as he subsequently burst into pieces.

As he lifted his other arm to help fire the rifle on Sluugbuug's command Vera jumped at the opportunity. Without hesitation she reached deep into her coat and pulled out the portal gun, aiming it right in Ant's center before pressing the large, black button.

Vera had never actually used it as a weapon before, but she figured portals that open out of thin air must be something you don't really want to get in the middle of.

The green circle on command formed right in the middle of Ant's torso, ripping it apart with the force. As the swirly green trademark of the portal spun around Vera leaped back, trying not to avoid raining bug innards.

All the while Sluugbuug froze in place. Never would she have thought the girl to have the nerve to kill something. But to probably be entrusted with the possibly only duplicate of Rick's infamous portal hopping device?

The Major underestimated this girl. She wouldn't make that mistake again.

Instantly she reached into the opposite side of her jacket, pulling out an energy weapon of her own.

"Holy shit that was awesome."

Vera looked towards Rick distracted, and gave him a grin. Now she got to show Rick what she'd been doing this past year.

Unfortunately that also gave the Major a window to fire a shot that whizzed right past Vera's face, neutralized on the wall behind her.

"Vera Floyd you are under arrest for murder and possession of Federally prohibited technology." Sluugbuug walked past Rick, her gun drawn and aiming right at Vera across the room. Vera eyed Ant's energy rifle that had been thrown to the left, but instantly saw it decimated before her eyes. "Now Miss Floyd let's not be hasty. You're under arrest sure but who's to say we can't work out a deal?"

Vera stayed frozen against the wall, the portal gun still in her grasp forgotten until Rick yelled out across the room.

"Are you an idiot?! Use the fucking portal gun!"

Oh right.

Vera dodged to the left in a hard roll as she fired the gun right under Sluugbuug's feet.

Landing on the hard tile Vera knew her left arm wasn't as good a cushion as it sounded. It hurt like mad. Biting her lip Vera tried to get up, but fire from Sluugbuug kept her down. Even though the portal caused half her body to fall through, she was still holding herself up from the edge. And shooting at Vera with the intent to kill.

"Above her!"

Vera followed Rick's command, shooting a circle on the ceiling above the Major. Like clockwork a giant tentacle swooped down, managing to knock the Major's gun out of her hands.

"Argh!" Sluugbuug dragged herself up from the portal just as it closed. The giant tentacle still waving madly around her area. Vera sprinted down to the left, Rick's tile to the right of her, Sluugbuug just a few feet more to the right. She shot another portal to keep the alien down, this time managing to knock her upside down. Her legs had grabbed hard onto the surface of the floor. She was going to be able to pull herself up.

Vera was at Rick's side, one eye on the Major the other on Rick. "Where the heck are the other guards?" The fact this had now turned into a scuffle invigorated Rick. "It's a soundproof room and no one is allowed in unless Major Bugshit over here uses that panel to communicate." Not even considering the logistics on Rick knowing that she tried pulling at his restraints. "Oh wuh-wuh-wow if only I had thought to pull free earlier huh?" "Rick shut up…" Vera grunted that through her teeth. They couldn't be left alone for long. There had to be or camera or something in here. Vera could handle one. Not an entire platoon. And the fact she had no idea how to get Rick free wasn't helping.

Sluugbuug had pulled herself back up successfully, now running straight towards them. "Goddammit Morty DO SOMETHING!"

"What?" Vera spun back toward Rick, utterly confused why he said the name he did.

It was now the Major's turn to take advantage of the situation. With a well placed kick she dropped Vera down to the ground, the portal gun clattering away behind Rick's tile.

"Fucking hell, do I have to do everything myself?" Before the Major could dive behind Rick for the gun, the man in questioned stopped her right in her tracks.

"Did you just _spit in her eye_?"

Vera's face was that of disbelief. It was effective though. Sluugbuug let out a shriek, her right red orb furiously blinking away. "GET THE GUN!" "Right. Right!" Vera got back up and ran behind Rick to retrieve the gun. Being behind Rick's tile, she also noticed what looked to be a few lines of alien writing plastered above a switch in the corner.

No way. It couldn't be that easy.

"Look I really hate to be that guy right now, but anytime now?!"

Without hesitation Vera flicked the switch as she popped out from behind Rick's tile, and aimed right for Sluugbuug's feet. Still not fully alert due to Rick's attack, she wasn't able to hold on in time.

It was a clean shot, the Major with one only eye open giving the pair a look of pure hatred. "It's not ove-AAAHHH!"

Her voice cut out as soon as she fell down the portal. Vera breathing heavily as she aimed the gun at the swirling green. Her left arm hurt like heck, she was tired, hungry, and still a buttload confused, but she did it. As soon as the green swirled away Vera let out a deep breath and turned to Rick. She gave him a shaky smile. "I did it."

Rick snorted. "You would have been dust without me. Zoning out in the middle of a fight is generally not recommended." Vera let out a small huff of her own and walked towards him. "Yeah, yeah whatever. Team effort. Still can't believe you spit in her eye though." Vera scratched the back of her head with the portal gun.

"Something, something desperate measures. Now get me the hell out of here!" Vera gave him a smug grin. "Already taken care of. Pull yourself free."

Looking at her like the crazy lady she was Rick pulled one of his arms out, realizing that in fact the tension did give away. He pulled his neck forward. Nothing stopped him.

A few more sharp pulls later and Rick found himself standing next to the girl. His wrists still had the manacles that were attached to the tile because they were connected to cords, but the rest of him was now completely free and unencumbered. "Yeah there was a switch on the back of your tile thing. I just you know," Vera brushed imaginary dirt off the side of her arm, completely nonchalant. "Flipped it the other way."

"What?!"

His sudden burst of loudness caused Vera to jump. "What what?!"

Rick slapped his forehead, the cords clinking together. "Did anyone ever tell you it's not a smart idea to mess with random switches when you can't read them?" "Well I got you out didn't I?" "Oh yeah it got me out..."

At that moment the doors on both sides of their room burst open, guards flooding the room with their weapons drawn and ready to fire.

Rick pulled a face. "And also alerted every single guard in this place that I was free. I mean they're stupid bugshits, but they're, but they're not that stupid." Vera gulped, moving closer to Rick. This was it. The end. Finito.

"We're donezo."

Rick looked down at her and rolled his eyes. She would have been so dead without him.

"Maybe now would be a good time to I don't know, portal out of here?"

Right, right.

Without a second thought Vera shot a portal right under their feet. She gave them all a small wave as Rick flipped them off. They fell through the portal as the entire room let loose their fire. The portal then closed on both sides, with only a giant black scorch mark remaining where the swirly green was before.

On the other side of the portal Rick and Vera were currently screaming for their lives. They didn't touch ground on the other side of their portal as they went through. Nor did they at least end up in an ocean or something they could tread in. Rick would have even taken the planet that was literally just butts and gas that grew out of a fecal swamp.

Instead the portal had emptied them right out into the sky. Miles above a barren, orange planet, that was only getting closer by the second.

The girl had her eyes shut and was flailing her limbs around like the crazy woman she was. And still shrieking. Rick chose not to fight it, instead just yelling out to the heavens as they made their way crashing down.

"FUCK EVERYTHIIIIIING!"


End file.
